That random Facebook note.

I got tagged in a bunch of those popular notes on Facebook that are like..."16 things you didn't know about me!" And it sounded like an interesting thing to explore. I'm hoping to encounter some thing new about myself...but even sharing something new with YOU will be a challenge because I'm generally an extremely open person and I don't really hide anything.

Maybe you'll learn something, maybe you won't. I actually quite enjoyed reading these as people posted them, but didn't feel like putting mine on Facebook. I have to be anti-fad somehow, right?

That's a good start...

1. I'm loudly anti-trend sometimes. Even if I secretly really like something that's "in", I'll either pretend not to or just generally ignore it. It's sort of like FORCING myself to be "unique".

2. Perhaps number 1 is the reason for this second one. I find the obsession with this fictional "Edward" person (er...vampire, rather) absolutely ridiculous and make fun of the fan base pretty regularly. Not the content of the book, just its fangirls. But the REAL reason I haven't read the book? I'm too afraid I'll actually enjoy it. Stupid, right? But you know, even if I do end up liking it I'll probably just keep that a secret or at least tone it down.

3. On a different note, I absolutely love winter. For the snow. And One-Act season.

4. I really, really want to sing with a band someday. Hopefully jazz.

5. I'm terribly, terribly lazy sometimes.

6. I love politics but I would NEVER want to be a politician. I'd way rather be a pundit.

7. I greatly desire to have a radio show. I'll probably pick up timeslot at KUMM over the summer.

8. I constantly seek approval.

9. Butterflies in my stomach for a positive reason if one of the best feelings.

10. This winter and spring, I'm going to memorize Debussy's entire Suite Bergamasque.

11. If I could travel time, I would go back to the year 1960 and just live through that entire decade.

12. Bari sax is one of my favorite instruments, even though I don't play it. Well...no. I CAN play it, I just don't have the opportunity to.

and good-mooded, too

I am giggling right now

Because Chris from Culligan and I just had a very awkward, tense conversation in my kitchen

And my cat just laid there the whole time between us, chilling out and ignoring us.

Cuddling with my shoes.

I love cats.

They don't feel social awkwardness.

Sunday, Dec. 14th, 2008: The Day of Many Important Essays

Today I was overwhelmed with essays for the grand majority of my time. In fact, I am not yet finished. I had to write three essays in eight hours as part of a take-home final exam...that was fun. I started at 8 AM and finished right before 4 PM (the only reason it took me so long is because I took a break to bake cookies with my mother =P).

Following these hellish writings, the next most important thing is this stupid bloody scholarship essay for UMM. Actually, it's not stupid. It's quite important. And due tomorrow. I need at least 234 more words before I turn it in, though. And I really...REALLY want to do well. I think I secretly want to go to UMM quite badly (mostly because of the professors I already know there. They rock. Rah rah UMM) and getting a knock-out scholarship for this school would give me almost an excuse to attend.

"They gave me so much money, how could I refuse?" I'll say.

If I get it. If I finish this essay. Tick tock tick tock.

What else made today monumental?

It has been snowing and blowing around -40 degree weather since before I got up this morning. (And I actually got up in the morning!) It's...ridiculous here.

School had better be canceled tomorrow. Knock on wood, I guess. But I met some people in New Mexico that said if you can't find any wood nearby, it also works to knock on someone's skull. So...knock on wood or skull. Take your pick. Just hope for the best, huh?

I am starting to hate....hate writing essays and papers.

Today KUMM made me happy.

KUMM, for those poor suckers of you deprived of the glorious experience, is UMM's student-run alternative radio station. There were four separate instances when I was driving somewhere and heard a unique/bizarre/wonderful song.

The first came when I was en route from my piano lesson to play rehearsal. They finished playing a song from the musical "Hair" and moved right on to the song in "Rocky Horror Picture Show" sung by Meatloaf. Three cheers for obscure musicals and even weirder songs.

The next came as I drove home from rehearsal...or rather from the Common Cup. I turned up the radio after dropping a friend off at home to discover a sort of grunge-rock song playing. Pretty normal, pretty expected, right? On a college radio station? Except for the fact that it was being sung in Japanese by a soprano. It was CRAZY and DELIGHTFUL.

About an hour later, on my way back to pick up the same friend to head to Bad TV Night at yet another friend's house, I had the strangest audio experience of my life. It began with a woman saying "There were many, many of them. They all stood in the same room, and they had arrived at the building at more or less the same time. And they were all free. And they all had the same question on their minds: "What is behind that curtain?" At that point a few assorted percussion rhythms started and the woman said "Because you were born, you are free. Happy birthday." Then the violins kicked in.

I don't know what it was, but it was scary.

The last little surprise came on my way home for the last time this evening. A rock version of "I'm Just A Bill". You know, the School-house Rock song. It was really happy. :) I would listen to that all the time if I had it on an album.





I just thought I should share with you the bizarre tastes of today's KUMM DJs. You never know, I guess. They could have been theme shows.

Update on status of photo project

New Year's Resolution:
Actually complete 365 days.

I'm going to start over.

And I'm going to finish this time.

Starting January 1st.


Until then, I'll entertain whomever cares to read with anecdotes about life, the world, the universe.

I am in heaven

I
LOVE
My
Job.


Right now, the Common Cup is buzzing with happy chattering people. Students studying or playing board games, the occasional professor grading some papers, parents with children. All of my favorite eccentric regulars are here...dreadlocks, piercings, overalls and all.

And there is live music.

At about 1 o'clock today, the rhythm section of UMM's Jazz 1 came in to jam. Guitar, stand-up bass, and small trap kit. It..was...glorious. I've scarcely heard such a talented collection of young musicians. They played for more than three hours, only stopping to grab some sandwiches to fuel their art. What's better: Guest artist appearances. While they ate, a friend of mine (another student) stepped up to the piano on the stage and entertained us with some smooth French impressionist music. And once the trio got going again, they were first joined by Jazz 1's lead trumpet followed by a musician from out of town. Young blond jazz trumpeteer VIRTUOSO who attended UMM for one year then transfered to a music school in the cities. Holy. Shit. It was awesome. Nice background type music, but occasionaly bursting into something more lively.

This is the best shift of my life, despite the papers and exams looming over my head with work on them being prevented by my being here.

I heart live music.

P.S. An elderly chap just came in wearing tap shoes. I don't know why. But I find him pleasant and unexpected.

*Stumbles back to blog, whistling and staring at the ceiling and trying to look inconspicious*

So.


I haven't kept up this project for at least two weeks now. I'd go into the reasons, but those of you who matter most to me already know about the general goings-on of my life and those of you who don't know...too bad for you!

I don't know if I'm going to pick back up on this project, to be honest.

I took photos for a few days after the last post, but then God picked up the giant room containing all elements of my life, kicked it around for a while, swapped half the contents for Pokemon cards, and set it back down.

So.

Instead, I'm going to write about small nowhere towns and funny they are.

I saw my cousin Mike for the first time in at least a year, today. It's not that he lives far away; it's just that his family and my family...aren't very close. He's in his early twenties and currently works as a pig (sorry, I mean cop) in South Dakota.

Anyway. Today he told me about this little town in SD he once passed through with a few members of his squad. The town welcome sign boasted its motto: "Into the future." Hilariously, the sign also boasted it to be the home of the 1973 state champion girls' swim team. The other features of this small place were dirt roads (zero pavement), a bar which had once been a bank, and a gas station.

Into the future.

Also striking me today is the town of Watson, MN. I have driven through it countless times, going back and forth to my grandparents' town. I always notice the sign you see upon entering and exiting (mind you, once you enter it takes about 20 seconds to exit). "The Goose Capital of the USA", or something similar. Did they get voted the goose capital? Why have I never seen geese there? How many other towns are vying for that title...or already sharing it? Should we take this to court, who is ACTUALLY the goose capital of the country? Does it really matter? Why would a town boast its goose population...mind you again, geese are MIGRATORY, WATER-LOVING birds. Making their permanent home nowhere, but generally chilling near lakes. Watson, as far as I can tell, has no water bodies.

Er...excellent deduction, Watson.

(90) I'm posting this for Friday, but actually also taken on Thursday...

Thursday was a big day, ok? The skies unfurled blankets and blankets of icy rain for several hours. And around four o'clock...it changed to snow. Huge droplets of juicy, wet snow. The streets and lawns were overwhelmed by several inches within the hour. Driving back and forth to campus and rehearsal, my parents' little Toyota got stuck at intersections and slid around haphazardly on curves. It was so exciting!

I didn't intend for these pictures to go together; they were merely seperately illustrations of how absolutely DRENCHED I became whilst riding my bicycle back to the highschool for afternoon class. Pouring rain. The last time I got that soaked due to the weather was this last July, at the Winnipeg Folk Festival.

(89) Thursday

I have owned this Aeropostale sweatshirt for probably...five years. And while my junior-high self REALLY wanted it...I soon went from being desperate to wear the "cool" brands that the "cool" girls wore, to absolutely loathing these stores' very existence. (Hollister being public enemy number one, followed by Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, and Aeropostale.)

I hated how all of these girls looked THE SAME with their flared jeans, fitted logo-boasting t-shirts, flips flops, lacy camisoles, and highlighted, straightened hair. I went out of my way to NEVER wear anything that could confuse me with these fashionized zombies (or...that's how they seemed at the time.)

Since the turbulent years of 8th-10th grade, I have forgotten about these supposed social barriers that my mind created between the haves and the have nots. I wore this sweatshirt the other day. It was really comfortable. I'm not afraid of being judged anymore; I realize no one is shallow enough or even cares enough to pay attention to trivial things like the brand of my sweatshirt. Not in the real world, at least.

(88) Wednesday-When will the exhaustion end?

Getting home late for some reason I don't even remember (that's the level of utter tired and confusion I've been experiencing as of late.)
Looking like ass.


And it kind of looks like I had been crying. :S I don't remember, honestly. Maybe this wasn't even on Wednesday. If any of you knew my whereabouts this week, fill me in. Because to me it was mostly a blur.

(87) Tuesday: Obama won, but what if...?

And um...please ignore that the video somehow got double-posted.

Excuse

I've been keeping up with pictures this whole history-ridden week. I...just...have been very occupied with writing papers, celebrating, and memorizing lines for the show I'm in. I haven't yet gotten a chance to put the shots up, but I'll hopefully snag a few moments later to get that done.

Isn't that sad? My life has gotten hectic to the point that in order to do anything fun I have to steal time from myself. I'm so busy doing things required of me, that I don't have any time to do what I really want to.

Later, inter-web.

(86) The election sure is exciting and all...

but you know what I'm also really pumped for?

(85) Can I lay in your bed all day?

Of all the lyrics in the world, that (see title) is the one I most often think of. Today there was no "your"...I just wanted to lay in bed all day. But I didn't. Instead, I got up and pretended to do stuff. And then for some reason my camera was reacting to normal light in such a way that it turned everything blue. And I couldn't decide which of these pictures was sillier. So I used both. And now I'm going to bed again. The end.

(84) Today. I'm all pixely.

As in...I feel like absolute crud and choose not to photograph my real self. I've come down with a cold this week, I'm chronically exhausted, and I never do homework.

(82) This last week...Halloween Friday

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN IMAGES PRODUCED IN A BATHROOM AT MY HIGH SCHOOL

SEE LEFT
<--

(83) This last week...Thursday.

By the time my day was done, I was too tired to do a real picture. Here's some toes.

(82) This last week...Wednesday. Oops. Monday was for Tuesday...I haven't loaded my Monday picture yet. Err.

This is possibly the most triangular tomato to have ever existed. Fresh from the garden.

(81) This last week...Monday

I can barely believe how completely draining this year has been. On Monday I felt like the living dead. Just. So.

Tired.

(80) This last week...Sunday

It was very very VERY windy. And my tea was a little too hot, so I brought it outside to cool off. Bizonkers.

(79) Socks are nice

(78)

This was me trying, in class, to figure out if my hair was centered...fail.

(77) Another Thursday

Who is the person on the other side of the window?

No title thought of yet.

This time next year, I can write to you, the reader, from my college dorm. Maybe with my roommate looking over my shoulder.

Where is this college? Who will this roommate be?

I have the answer to neither of these questions. It's late October of my senior year of high school, and no applications bearing my name and accomplishments have been sent out. I've been largely avoiding the topic of my plans for next year...because they are non-existent.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid to leave the people I was raised with, everyone from my past who has shaped who I've become (for the better or the worse). I'm afraid of the magnitude of this decision, and even more so I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. There are hundreds of schools out there, I'm sure, at which I could be very happy. I'm confident that I can adjust to being anywhere with anyone, but there's always the little voices of college reps telling you that you *will* find a place that's perfect for you.

What if no where is perfect for me? Or what if *anywhere* is perfect for me?

I'm a big fan of small public liberal arts schools. This is very possibly owing to the fact that I've grown up just blocks from one and love it...but there's something holding me back from just effing the college search and going with my gut...to stay at UMM. (I really, really do love it here. I'm not just saying that. I feel so at home on campus, I love the size and surprising diversity, I love the direction in which this school is headed.) What is this something, I'm asking myself?

Maybe it's because I've been hearing my whole life about how much potential people seem to think I have. So my parents read to me when I was little and I played outside instead of watching TV. This seems to have given me a huge advantage over the other kids. It taught me to think. It taught me to explore. It made me into one of the Smart Kids. The ones who are supposed to go to some big name school and get their PhD in something hard to pronounce and do something good for the world. I hate that people I know seem to have these expectations for me. What if I don't live up to them?

Maybe it's because many of my close friends are branching out, dreaming of actually heading off to some big name school next year. Maybe I don't want it to seem like I'm somehow not as capable or ambitious if my best friends are making their mark on a 40,000 dollars-a-year institution and I'm at public school X. I'm so god damn competitive, I can't just let myself be happy. I need to be happy and reassured that I'm not coming in last in this stupid race that society has constructed for us.

I'm not done here, but I have to go to class. Yay.

(76) Took him up to heaven alive

I think this photo
is just interesting enough
to be worthy of
an interesting post layout.
Don't you think?
Today was so glorious.
I enjoyed it immensely.
(Most of it.)
(Except for the rain.)
(And maybe a few other parts.)

Making a cameo in this picture is Andrew's wrist and thumb.

(74) What would the founders say?

i've pretty much been thinking politics...all month
and this book is one of the reasons i'm slacking off on 365
just so you know
it's not because i don't love You
take it up with my professor
why did I write the caption to this picture like this?
i dunno
does this even count as a caption?
i dunno
i'm going to bed

(73) Senior blooper.

Sunday as the sun sets, hours before senior pictures are due. And in a ditch, no less. A pretty ditch.

I took all of my senior pictures myself, and as a result...things like this

occasionally happened. Tee-hee.

(72) Me and my ashen skin and barely visible peephole eye.

Raise your hand if you can tell I've had a lazy few days. That should be all of you.

(71) Go me.

A stressed out Bess = This picture. It's of my finger. Which was in the way of the lens. Which was supposed to be capturing something interesting in my lap, I think. But that was days ago. And then I did homework for 40 days and 40 nights. And that's what happened. Here you are.

(70) Leaves

They're pretty. This picture is not for me, but for them.

(69) Tuesday

Yeah, I looked about as good as I felt. But on the bright side, I *was* wearing a purple and pink scarf on my head. What a relief.

(68) This one is for Monday, now. I'm cheating.

(67) Here's a potential senior picture.

Of course, after I fiddle with the exposure to make myself *not* a ghost.

(66) It's like folk music

To which I was listening in order to get in a picture-taking mood. This isn't a senior picture, but this shot opportunity was too sweet/poetic to pass up.

(65) One of those instances where I shunned lunch in favor of piano

Oh, and I once again apologize to my 1 or 1.5 loyal readers for rarely updating this project. Times are a-hectic, you know? I'm working on it. I actually took a bunch of pretty good shots today as an attempt at senior pictures, so one of those will pop up as my Saturday entry...and maybe if I take new ones Sunday'll get one too.

(64) At lunch

How "lunch" has changed from one year to the next. I'm still in high school, but I have not once out of five weeks eaten lunch in the MAHS cafeteria. This is a significantly happy thing for me. I've usually been home, at TMC with Andrew, or foregoing lunch altogether to play piano in HFA. (This post is loaded with acronyms.) Occasionally we even bop down to Willie's for samiches or something. How fantastic is this sort of freedom? Sad, actually, that I consider the choice of lunching to be a great freedom. I suppose in comparison to last year...eh. This year is strange and wonderful, I have decided. Being caught between the worlds of college and high school and not being treated as a fully-fledged member of either institution sucks hardcore. But I get different benefits of both worlds, so high five for that.

I digress:

(63) A few days ago

I was looking kind of cute. I think. I'm working on the self-esteem thing, I really am! And it helps that I've actually had a remarkable couple of days immediately preceded by a shitty couple of days. Anyway. Here:

(62) Yesterday was Thursday

Bitch Please.

(61) Yesterday was Tuesday

This picture is actually completely random. There's no reason behind it. I like the sepia setting on my camera, I guess.

(60) My 18th Birthday

I turned 18 the day the stock market crashed
I wore a sun dress that reminded me of an Easter egg
Even though it was freezing :)
I renewed my driver's license!
Crazy, crazy adult hood

(59) Sunday, the 28th.

lazy day
pajamas
and stuff

Hokay, so.

I've decided that for all of those days I missed even taking a picture for...screw 'em.

They were bad days anyway.

I'm resuming the count to 365 as though that week of MIA or so never happened...
(because honestly I just wish that week had never happened).



In other news. What's going on in the world? Well, the stock market crashed on my birthday.


Go that.

Perhaps more significantly, it crashed on Rosh Hashannah Begins at Sundown Day.

We will now resume our scheduled programming.

I realize I'm a failure

I have not updated my blog in a week now. Not only that, but I don't think I've even taken any pictures of the shit that's been going on.

I've decided to feel justified in this because...well...it was an awful week! Certainly it ended well with tonight being rather wonderful, but the rest of it blew. I don't even WANT to document it. So ha, blog. I've decided to just cheat hardcore and take a bunch of pictures tomorrow that will represent the last seven days. This project will probably involve a lot of writing on my hands and not showing my face a whole lot.

And now I'm conking out. It's been a long damn week. I'm exhausted; the whole thing was really busy. And I simply do not have time this weekend to do all things that need to get done. That's the way life is, I guess. Never enough time. Even though time arguably could be either infinite or nonexistent.

Er...good night. I'm sorry for the lack of photos, for those two or three loyal fans I may have out there.

(58)

I traveled by way of school bus to the magical land of North Dakota today. A very small peer group and I made the journey there for a robotics competition kick-of. There was a lot of bus time involved. Yee-haw.

(57) Coming Home

I wish more people would do it. [Come home, not make faces]

This is the only photo taken of me on Friday. My final high school homecoming as a non-alumni.

More and more and more everyday I miss my recently graduated friends...they are numerous and precious to me. I almost cry when I think about them. Almost. But I've been suppressing that emotional response lately...which is not typical of me. I'm usually a big crier. But this week I've swallowed it every time I feel like losing it. This is probably not the BEST thing for me to be doing...but oh well. Eventually it will all come exploding out and the one giant resulting sob session will be long and cleansing, I am sure.

(56)

Thursday was nice. I had my first jazz combo rehearsal at the U. It was...unproductive. Besides the fact that we all introduced ourselves and decided we unanimously hate the arrangement of the song we have. Then they jammed...and I, not being a jazz pianist almost at ALL...went out to the grassy mall and studied until the mosquitoes came out.

The birth of this photo.

(55) So a senior.

Wednesday was awesome. I got the part I really really wanted in a musical (for the first time ever) and it was Color Day...Black. Obviously.

And at 9:30ish in the morning, I was on campus...just...chilling. It was beautiful. The weather was perfect and there was almost no one around.

...Until the rest of my class showed up.

(54) The Second Time Ever

that there will be guest appearances in my blog picture! Tuesday was Tacky Tourist Day. Ohhhhh joy.

(53) Here is something about which I am truely upset.

Yesterday was pajama day in my high school. Definitely...in my opinion...the best school day of the year. And of course my picture yesterday was of me all cutesy and pajama-ed and feeling comfy and glowing. I mean, I had a REALLY good day yesterday! So I was quite happy with my picture.

Unfortunately, my picture seems to have magically vanished. :S I think I may have snapped it with the memory card not in my camera, leaving my camera no choice but to immediately discard the picture for lack of anything to save it to.

...Ugh. So. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to cheat. My picture, for yesterday, will be a picture taken of me on LAST YEAR'S pajama day.

So there.


I do believe this is the first time anyone else has appeared in a blog picture! Congratulations, Jen.

(52) Just...rain

(51) Lily

Lily probably loves me more than anything or anyone in the world ever has or ever will. She's the single most delightful little creature I've ever had the privilege of knowing. (I'm kind of a melty, sappy, gooey cat person. In case you couldn't tell.)

Sometimes she licks my face.

(50) Reflection

Both kinds

(49) Rain and a series of lasts

It was just...dreary. All day.
Until tonight. :) When the sky cleared up and the moon came out for the first time in days.

Today should be a metaphor for my next few months. Right now, my future is looking kind of bleak. I'm avoiding college mail like the plague and shrugging off any conversation centered around applications, majors, decisions, or anything to occur within the next year. So...maybe right now is the dreary, hopeless day. Life might keep up this act for a few weeks...hell, maybe a few months. But I'm really counting on resolution to most of my stressors to hit me in the forehead. Maybe I'll get lucky and the resolution will come in the form of motivation. Maybe. We'll see.

I'm mostly not wanting tomorrow to come. Because I'm not ready for it. Because I have this nifty little toy sitting in front of me. I'm thinking of naming my laptop Twain. :)

And there's the bright side for the day.

Tomorrow I will audition for the MAHS Fall Musical for the last time.

(48) Dress-code

There is a pattern of dress in my school which is sticking out in my thoughts right now because I just had to explain to my dad that the clones on the front page of the newspaper are this year's Homecoming Queen candidates.

I correct myself, not ALL of them are clones...I say this because one of them is a friend of mine. So there's that.

But really, there is a large population of girls in my school who dress in such a manner:
Light-wash slightly flared jeans
Lacy camisoles layered beneath either a knit top or a Hollister, American Eagle, or Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt
Flip flops or other cutesy flat shoes
Occasional understated silver jewelry
Straightened hair worn down...or crunchy wavy hair worn down

On any given day, there will be no less than a dozen girls in this uniform of "style".

It makes me sad.

Today I dressed frivolously.

(47) Finally a Dell to call my own

My beautiful little spring green lap top arrived Tuesday. (This picture is from Tuesday, if you hadn't yet caught on to my theme of tardiness in posting.) I adore it. I even find myself pretty into the whole Vista thing...even though most people seem to be critical of the system. To put it lightly.

Oh well. I am enjoying it. I am enjoying a lot of things. Except the college search thing. Which I am actively not participating in. Oi vey.

(46) Today=Monday

I am learning trombone.
:D

(45) Sunday

Today was my grandfather's birthday. A sprinkling of relatives showed up at my house for a delicious celebratory lunch. Andrew came too! I wore a "new" sweater. It has an interesting collar.

As depicted above.

(44) Saturday

This is how I fell asleep on Saturday. With a smile on. It was radical. It was awesome. It was me being in love.

"Awww fer cute."

(43) Today. At last. The longest day.

Biking away from work at 11:30 PM. At long last. I went in at 4:00 to help out until 8-ish...and worked until closing.

I hate wholesome, enriching, family-friendly community events. They produce a lot of dishes.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
I do actually take/create these pictures on the day to which they belong...I just almost never have the time to upload them. I hate the school year.

In other news? A bunch of my close friends are back from college for the weekend for some reason. I'm not complaining! Seeing them just makes me realize how much I missed them. Bbbbbbummer.

Oh, and I'm learning trombone tomorrow.

(42) Thursday. Feeling-good day.

I went for a walk in the clear, cold night and enjoyed the sky.
I've never felt so small as when I'm looking at the stars.